More biophilia to feed my nature deficit disorder

To me, nature is eye candy.  I look, observe, and capture as the light hits my retina in divine rapture.  Nothing is better than this ever moving dance, always there to be seen, if it means to be what its meant to mean.  It seems that everything is made of color and the more I pay attention to the colors of nature, the deeper I can see.  She whispers her secrets if I have the ears to hear what is ...
Read More

Psychosis notebooks audio…psychosis from the inside out

Excerpts from my psychosis notebooks, what I've written in and about my experience of psychosis.  None of this factual and is only for entertaining ideas, thoughts, musings, confusings, contextualizing, wondering, pondering, etc.   https://youtu.be/klv14_d78Nw   https://youtu.be/C57GEVMBm8A
Read More

When hypomania tips to psychosis..bipolar lifestyle design

Living with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder 1 has got me wondering.  I am always wondering and in a state of wonder.  I wonder that I can be "doing so well", working, being social, getting involved, and be in a state of psychosis and admitted to psych ward as wellness spills over into illness.  It feels like my mania has changed to actually mean I am just doing too much in actual reality.  Too muc...
Read More

Dr. Stan Grof talks about the Consciousness Revolution

I watched this video and there are a few good nuggets in there for people like me who have experienced bipolar psychosis or non-ordinary states of consciousness.  I hope one day for a more inclusive and understanding paradigm for inner travel.  I love the term "morphogenetic field".  Oh ya!   https://youtu.be/S9McQru3rdY
Read More

Laughing at myself…what I thought in mania and psychosis

I still have me original stack of 500 plus sheets of paper that I "created" when I was in my first episode of mania and psychosis.  I was looking through it quickly and I found a few comedic gems.  It's interesting how my brain was making associations in that state.  The first page is a list where I go from Patch Adams to The Jumanji to St. Johns Wort to "How do I save the butterflies".  Haha rand...
Read More

4 Ted talks on Happiness and Play…the upside of bipolar??

I am super interested in happiness, laughter, play, smiles, nature, oxytocin, and anything that seems to be in support of bringing the best out of oneself.  I have a sense within myself that the energy of mania is an attempted to bring out the best in oneself in a sort of embodied temporary experiential vision casting that then fades away but is in the brain cells as a memory or vision of the pote...
Read More

An ode to psychosis…the inward experience, the suffering

Just because I want to help with something or be involved, doesn't mean that I should.  I don't like this as the manic part of me would rather be busy saving the world.  I can't save the world from the psych ward.  And the more I try to save the world it seems I see that the one who needs saving is me.  I say that to mean that I have unresolved trauma that prevents me from taking the next step tow...
Read More

Music, mania, and bipolar disorder

It's music to my ears when I hear the people living upstairs shut their front door, start their car, and drive away.  I sneak over to my side window, peek out the blinds, and my sense of sight confirms that indeed the car is gone.  Though I can't be sure, I tentatively listen to ensure that both have indeed left the building.  I  plug in my Zulu USB Digital audio converter to my mini macbook air, ...
Read More

The “no path” path and synchronicity. Thinking about ‘mania’

I wonder about the intense synchronicity I experienced 5 years ago.   How did everything conspire to happen in my favour?  I have been watching a Krishnamurti talk over and over and it seems to mutate my brain cells in such away that I can perceive things clearly, anew.  He also famously says that "truth is a pathless land". I wonder if 5 years ago I wandered in this pathless land, not because ...
Read More

Non scientific study shows ants choose sunflower lecithin capsule over Seroquel every time (just a fun joke)

Okay I'm just being ridiculous, though ridiculousness keeps me sane.  I noticed an ant trying very hard to pick up this sunflower lecithin capsule and thought it would make a good headline considering he did not consider my Seroquel pill something worth considering.  Hahaha!!  
Read More