Unfolding Spiritual Addiction…to Read or Not to Read
My question to myself is whether I’m travelling down a path toward a sort of spiritual addiction.
For starters, what could be more profound than the physical taste sensation of this raw vegan gingerbread cookie. I made 2 big batches over Christmas time to give out to family, friends and colleagues. I still had a bunch in the freezer and that bunch is now half a bunch.
I just finished tearing through two books I got at value village today. I then decided to eat a bunch of these treats and it hit me that the treats are just as profound as the words I consume to tickle my brain cells. There is this constant desire to continue to tickle my brain cells with spiritual insights from my favorite teachers. Is this spiritual addiction? Am I feeding myself to much spiritual input and not really integrating and assimilating it in healthy ways. I’m not sure what I’m getting at here.
Perhaps it’s along the lines of too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Too much bad food will make be lethargic and paralyzed. Will too much consumption of so-called spiritual knowledge make my spirit fat and heavy? Are the metabolic processes of my aura overloaded? Do I have an obese aura?
If I am suffering from some type of new age auric obesity, perhaps it’s time I go on a diet. I need to metabolize some of these invisible insights as they are attached to my aura as to make me assume they aren’t a problem. They perhaps aren’t a problem when the integrating apparatus that is the unfolding evolution of my perception of this reality moment to moment can keep up. What is the rate limiting step in this reaction? Maybe the word ‘reaction’ is key.
I’ve heard reference to the concept of reaction vs. action. Reaction is a response to what is happening in the present with reference to things that have occurred in the past. True action is said to be spontaneous, fresh, and alive in meeting the present moment. So for some reason, I feel like I need to read to refresh my system. What am I trying to provoke in reading these spiritual books? Am I trying to provoke re-experiencing the tickling of my brain by reading the words and imagining and experience the feeling or state as if it were actually happening from some kind of occurrence in reality? Are these books an excuse or a bandaid for covering up what is missing in my creation of reality?
It seems to me that this could have some truth to it in my life. Though, not totally. And in seeing the truth of this, I can grow. Nothing is inherently bad or good. The other day I was watching bits of the movie “Peaceful Warrior” and there was a scene that reminded me that nothing is inherently bad or good. It is the habit that makes it bad.
I feel like my awareness is at the right moment to see that my love of spiritual literature can be turned into a habit. The habit would be bad in that I’m overexciting my brain with all the thoughts, words and idea’s of wonderful spiritual masters who are just trying to act as sign posts for me to go out and experience it for myself.
Actually, many of the books that I resonate with most are just excerpts from talks of spiritual masters like Osho and Krishnmurti who weren’t even sitting down purposefully to write books. They were just speaking in the moment as that’s what the moment called for them to do. That’s what existence needed of them. That’s where existence took them. It was only later that they were turned into books by those that were called to do so. I am grateful for the books as they have injected their wisdom into the pages of my life story.
So I can see that if I don’t form a habit out of reading, if I’m not doing it to gain something or more importantly, to avoid looking at myself, then it’s not a problem. If I read for pure enjoyment, to enjoy the ways the words light up my brain and fuel the spiritual sector of my brain, then that’s just play. It’s all a part of the divine play. But if I read books to escape playing my role in life and taking my own stage, then the books have used me.
I like to imagine that after “practicing the power of now” for years now, I don’t have many self reflective psychologically intrusive thoughts (besides during mania and psychosis where it was like all the ones that I had the pleasure not to think had built up and come out in one big bang of unfathomable ugliness making question the benefit of this practice). I like to think that I don’t think but to use my mind for the utilitarian purposes of navigating this wonderful 3D reality that I am an integral part of. That being said, am using spiritual books like an addiction of some sort? Am I reading them to get a quick fix? I can read the wonderfully descriptive text and that creates certain feelings inside. I feel like it’s the most profound moment ever. But is this the easy route?
Maybe the profound really is in the eating and sensing the cookie. Maybe the profound is in the everyday occurrences.
I can see that reading about the profound could be beneficial in opening up those circuits in the brain or in detailing some of the old circuitry that is so deeply routed by repetitive though patterns that tend to crystallize in the brain. I can see that the reading, provoking the feeling can open up perception to experiencing that feeling again. It’s like training for the brain. It opens the brain up to see something else. Recently it seems that whatever happens in my reality is soon confirmed in a book I open 5 minutes later. Could this be reality telling me to just surrender? To just live my dream? To stop looking for confirmation that this is my dream and all that I need to do is live it out?
I don’t know, but it’s possible. The not knowing makes it possible. I’m looking for the magic of reality. I’ve seen it before. I was in a state of mania and the magic seemed reasonable. There seemed to be a reason for the magic. And here I am looking for it, or at least looking for glimpses of it. What is the common denominator here? The common denominator is me. The reason for all this that I experience as me, is me. I am the magic maker. I am the magic glimpser. I can make magic in pure enjoyment of the energy of my being, or I can wait to catch glimpses. I can throw my magic out to reality or I can catch glimpses from the Universe.
Either way, the magic is still there. I’m either activity participating in magic or passively waiting to be seduced into momentary wonder. I am the wonderer. I am the meaning maker. I am the significance maker. I am that which makes are this significant. Significant for me. Meaningful for me. Full of wonder to me.
Realizing this, I must practice flowing towards that which I can make meaning of. Sometimes it seems like I’m looking for some big shiny golden monument labelled “this is what you’re looking for” to appear. But maybe it’s not what I’m looking for at all. Maybe it’s not something big. I just had a profound moment with a raw vegan gingerbread cookie. It was the simplest of things. The cookie provoked something beyond the act of eating. I was gratefully and joyously eating the cookie. And the cookie is now part of me. The intelligence of my body will assimilate the cookie (or 6 cookies) in the way that it does without me knowing. Once I’ve eaten it, I don’t have to think about how to digest it.
Is it the same with reading? I read what I read, and the reading acts? Does the brain digest the spiritual information as the body digests food? How much spiritual food do I need? Does that change with time? I really have no idea. I’m just wondering. I guess if the reading opens my brain up to the magic, it’s cool. At this point the reading seems to be confirming what I’m already experiencing after the fact. Maybe less reading is needed and more of writing my own book. Instead of looking for confirmation of the magic over and over, I can just relax and surrender and play with and enjoy the magic as it happens, and as I make it to happen.
It seems that the reading is a totally personal experience. It opens this brain to magic but it’s up to me to go and be the magic maker as others have done before. It’s one thing to read about it and it’s another thing to be it.