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Playing hide and seek with the sun as it sets and thoughts about connection.

Published on April 3, 2015 under bipolar disorder

Since I was released from the hospital after having a relapse of Bipolar Disorder 1, I’ve tried to get outside and walk whenever I can.  I like to go out when it’s nice out and even though it’s nice, it’s often really cold.  At least I find it cold.

On this particular evening, the sun was so bright and it was playing hide and seek with me.  Whenever I found Mr. Sun peaking out, I couldn’t help but take a picture.  For me, taking pictures with my iPhone and capturing snippets of beauty helps to remind me that there is always beauty all around me if I choose to look.

Here are some of the pictures I took for you to have a look.  Maybe one day I will learn to take pictures for real.  Right now, I like to take pictures to put be in touch with what is real.  The beauty hidden just waiting to be reveal in the eye of the beholder.

Taking pictures is definitely one of the tools in my “wellness toolbox” and I also include it in my “daily maintenance practices” list.  For me, it is a quick way to reconnect in the moment.  I like to look through my pictures whenever I need a taste of reconnection.

After coming out of the hospital, I feel a bit disconnected.  This disconnected feeling is disconcerting because I am here and everything is seemingly the same on the outside while inside there is this disconnected feeling.

Perhaps I feel disconnected from myself.  I feel back at the beginning.  I created a certain life for myself and that life has been great.  Here I sit amidst my “great life” and it doesn’t feel as great as it once did.

Mania seems to create a certain disturbance.  Is this disturbance a way the Universe likes to stir up my reality?  What’s next? The mania and psychosis I experienced 4 years ago created all of this.  This is exactly what I was trying to create.  I was trying to create it in one day and it took a 3 month hospitalization and 4 years to unfold.  My first mania connected me to unfolding that or this.

Is that or this done?  Has it come to full bloom and now wants to whither?  What was it that I saw for myself in this next leg of my existence?  After 4 years of recovery, there was a bump in the road.  I feel lucky that it was not such a bump to cause a major disruption in my life or the lives of others.

The bump has rerouted me in the process of recovery.  How can I recover better?  How can I become better than I ever was before?

Why is it that when I reconnect to what I feel is my spirituality, it becomes so powerful that I fall back down to Earth?  Perhaps spirituality is to remain grounded on Earth.  To be embodied.  To stand up for self love and mental health.  I love to take good care of myself and my body.  I wish that others would endeavour to do the same.  I hope you enjoy the pictures.<3

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