Figuring out what’s important

Published on November 8, 2015 under bipolar disorder

I have a hard time figuring out what’s important.  My main trouble is information overload.  I keep collecting more and more information that I don’t know what to do with it.  I want to read it, take notes on it, ponder it, share it, and integrate it with my own ideas.  I like to read and allow my empty mind to extrapolate seemingly hire orders of meaning.  But so what?

What is it all for?  Is it for anything?  Is it just the way my mind/brain works?  Sometimes this process goes into overdrive and spins out of control until I’m knee deep in psychosis.  Once I’m drowning I end up in the hospital.  That has happened for me twice in 2015.

Why do I drown?  Why can’t I make meaning and let it go?  Why does everything seem hyper-meaningful?  It seems to have a life of it’s own.  Do the meanings I seem to see have meaning for just me or beyond me?  Is this realm of meaning beyond me or the beyond of me?

When I reconnect with consensus reality, does it still have some kind of meaning?

I’ve seen the chaos caused by lack of connection.  The lack of acknowledgment of the fact that we are all interconnected.  We don’t exist in isolation.  Even if we begin to acknowledge that we are interconnected, it is not a felt sense and thus has little meaning.  We do this to protect ourselves.  For if there were at once a felt sense of interconnection, there would be a total psychosis.  Right now the finger is pointed at the sensitive few who feel this and then do not know how to operate in “normal” society.  As J. Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of health to adjust oneself to a profoundly sick society”.  Everything is how it is and that’s the way it should be, as it can be no other way than the way it is now.

I feel very hopeful that we will one day see that the me is you and the you is me.  Until then, I will happily be the mental patient, patiently waiting to invite you to see what I see.

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