Thoughts about the topic of “mental illness”

Published on November 9, 2015 under bipolar disorder

Years and years ago I wrote down “find a topic that people have to know about but few have tried to explain yet”.  I just found this written on an old piece of paper.  It struck me that this statement is profound in that it is now the experience of my life.

I am attempting to “explain” my “mental illness” in a way.  Or at least I’m trying to explain it to myself.  I am trying to find a satisfying way to frame it, and I don’t think there is just one way.  The current biomedical model is outdated at best and harmful at worst.  I’m not saying anything new.

I want to say new things and think new things and feel new things and experience new things.  I want to make meaning of my experience in ways that are meaningful to me.  Beyond meaningful.  Inspiring, helpful, incredible, magical.

I don’t know how to begin to do this but I don’t want to stop having these conversations with myself, with the Universe.

Today I asked that the Universe give me a sign to allow me to accept the calmness that abides in me despite the chaos.  For some reason I choose to hold some inner contraction rather than surrender to the Universal attraction that is intention flowing outward.

Can I be excited and inspired that unfolds from a foundation of calmness?

I will not stop until there is magic for all.  Is there safety in magic?  Can I trust the magic?  Can I surrender to the magic?  I wonder.

I real-eyes that I will never figure it all out.  My eyes look inward as a way of “figuring in” instead of figuring out.  How do I figure in to this Universe?  I can’t figure it out.

Instead of trying to put bits of information together in a linear way I will ponder and question without trying to know.  As soon as I think I know I stop learning.  To learn is to perceive is to see.

So much of this is “negative” language.  It’s time to refrain and reframe.  Strengths based we all have strengths.

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