Metaphors of psychosis and PTSD…relanguaging what I tell myself as bipolar

Published on May 19, 2016 under bipolar

I “like” to make metaphors of my experiences of psychosis, or the general impression it leaves on me.  This often happens when I am reading or listening to some kind of distantly related material.  In the past year or so, I have consumed a ton of material looking for some answers.  Supposed answers lead to more questions.  By makng ‘metaphors’, I am exploring what psychosis means to me.  Lately, I have started exploring the framework of PTSD related to psychosis.

In my experience, I don’t feel that they are two separate things, but a continuum.  It seems that PTSD is triggering psychosis, but what is triggering PTSD?  This has lead me to look at my life and eliminate all possible stressors, whether stressful or “eustressful” as I seem to get triggered into psychosis when I’m getting involved in too many things out in the community.  I must again retreat to myself and take notes of what I’m doing.  I tend to get “too passionate” when I see injustices.  For now, I’d rather not see them.  I’ve seen them in reality and psychosis has filled in many horror stories about the rest.

My “lifestyle design” is a “trauma informed” lifestyle design.  In the system, they talk about “trauma informed practice” which appears to be in its infancy.  For now, I will take responsibility for myself by designing and practicing a trauma informed life.  At the same time, I would like to deal with the trauma so I can, one day, move beyond the bubble that PTSD seems to want to keep me in.  Once I step outside that bubble, I get scared, and the fear of all of human history seems to descend upon me.

This brings me to my first metaphor.  “Psychosis” as the zooming out of awareness of consciousness to see that all time is now, as Krishnamurti talks about.  It starts with individual fears, and then keeps going to expose all the unconscious fears of mankind.  The energy of fear is different than the stories of fear.  The stories of fear tell me why I should be fearful, and why I was fearful then, but that fear energy feels like it is happening now, again.  I am watching this video on “fear”.  I am sharing the key part, though to explore the full development of the inquiry, listen to the entire thing.

We must start to understand our minds for ourself, not just how we’ve been told to.  That is a useful model for now, and it doesn’t prevent us from inquiring into the depths of ourselves.  If we can understand something, perhaps there will be less “need” for psychosis to deliver barely comprehendible messages for us to decode.  From what I’ve felt, it’s pretty simple.  We are all one.  Look at what we are doing to each other in the name of progress and growth.  We are leaving living human beings in the dust because they don’t fit in to this insanity.  Your heart may have been awakened to this.  We are all the same inside.  We all suffer.  We are all in this together.  Much Love.

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