Bipolar Blog – Omnipolarity and Fearing Our Own Brain
I like to think about bipolar in many different ways. When I discontinue thinking about it in the ways I was initially told by the medical establishment, all of a sudden a vast spectrum of mystery and possibilities opens up to me. The limited definition of pathology makes way for the immensity of meaning making and wonder. My brain can then wonder infinitely about itself and thus not be scared of it’s own brain shadow. The shadow is a mirage we can never quite grasp yet it still manages to make us tremble. We can’t run from the shadow either. When the brain sees there is no shadow, it can come out of hiding and start to wonder about the mystery of itself. It is, after all, the most complex structure in the known universe, yet, after being labelled, it largely is used to live in fear of itself.
Perhaps a transformative crisis is transformative in large part because it’s, scary, unknown, and covers vast new expanses and territories. When we are young, and learning how to use our bodies, we often feel fear. Think about the first time riding a bicycle down a big hill. When we realize we can do it, the fear gives way to exhilaration and we ride the wave of new possibilities resulting from this freshly mastered embodiment. And if we fall, it hurts for a bit, but then we get back up and try again. Falling does not mean we are defective. Perhaps in so-called mania and psychosis, we are learning how to use our brains in different ways. The brain is entering new territory and trying on moving and being in different ways. It takes our ego, all our past conditioning saying what should be, how we were before, with it for the ride. The fear comes in as our old self is afraid of what this new energy is doing. But perhaps if we can “get with” what this energy is doing, by being curious and wondering about it, we can learn to “ride the brain” in our head in new ways. If we weren’t curious and excited to learn how to ride a bicycle, the fear would prevent us from doing so. I know that mania and psychosis are scarier than learning to ride a bicycle, but how often do we ever approach it with the curiosity of learning? Perhaps the brain learns something each time it goes through a cycle. It seems, however, that the ego mind is the fear that prevents learning and curiosity. This is compounded by how we are taught to fear our own brains by the mental health system. They have it all figured out for us so we don’t have to think about it at all. Seeing it as meaningless is strongly encouraged. But what if this whole process, deemed mental illness, is to get us to be curious about our brains again? What if our brain wants us to wonder and not take it for granted? The whole world takes the human brain for granted. Might not the brain have a process to reinitiate the wonder of childhood? Perhaps we are framing it all wrong by making the result of this game fear of ones own brain. And I’m not saying this is something to be taken lightly. It’s a dangerous game and that’s why, the first aspect to consider when re-gaming your reality is safety. I will talk about that next post. One more thought…
The human brain is trying to tell us something. Not “my brain” or “your brain”, but the human brain as a whole. Could it be delivering packets of meaning amongst the meaningless mind chatter that occupies much of our bandwidth?
I’m going to try to do more posts as I have taken a break for a while. I have been creating some stuff behind the scenes and might share some of it in the coming months so be sure to subscribe if you want to be a friend in that process.