Feeling a Bipolar High and I Don’t Know Why
Today, I felt a shift into a Bipolar high. I didn’t feel super manic, but I did feel euphoria. I’m wondering about this hypomanic euphoria because I haven’t felt euphoria in a couple of years. I literally felt high. I found myself bathing in the situation while at the same time being cautious. Feeling a higher high can eventually lead to a lower low, whether it be 5 minutes or 5 months later.
While I was enjoying the sensation I found my awareness splitting off and wondering what caused this. Now I wonder why I wonder this at all. Am I wondering what caused this Bipolar euphoria so that I can duplicate it? So that I can use free will to re-create that relaxed energy of perfection?
I started to make note of the correlating factors.
I looked around to notice what was around me. What information was I passively absorbing?
I had turned on my blue light therapy light and it blared a florescent aqua light. Did this dance of light on my retina cause a shift into a higher level of Bipolar mania? I’ve used this light for the last few weeks so it could not alone have caused this phenomenon. Is this effect cumulative and eventually contributed to the shift? These two questions apply to many other of the factors.
What else was around me?
I’d set up a passive pleasant aroma from my essential oil diffuser to squelch the fishy cat food smell that was starting to trickle into my room. A roomie has decided that a bathroom adjacent to my bedroom is the best place to rinse out the remnants of aquarian particles from the shimmery dish. To be specific, I used a combination of oils by do TERRA – cedar wood, cinnamon, and “forgive”. Was this pleasant mixture enough to provide the activation energy for the shift into a higher state of Bipolar mania? I hadn’t been using smells as a wellness tool so this was something newly added.
Plus, smells can effect people with Bipolar Disorder in some states and some times. Sometimes my sense of smell is super heightened, which is part of the general hyper-sensitivity that I find is part of Bipolar. Sometimes bad smells smell worse in depression. And sometimes bad smells smell worse in mania. This leads me to be try to avoid these smells. It can also be an indication of what state I’m in.
Can the reverse happen? Can good smells cause a shift into a higher state in the opposite way that a higher state can lead to good smells smelling better or being noticed easier?
At this point in my inquiry, I’ve covered 2 senses. Sight and smell and both are optimized during this period of time I’m correlating to my higher state.
Now for taste. I was drinking Yerba Mate as I often do. I stared drinking it again a week ago after having no supply for the previous two months. I add liquid stevia and it tastes delicious.
I had 2 oranges for breakfast and 2 dates. The dates were so yummy. The oranges were navel blue jay and I think I like these navel oranges the best. My sense of taste was saturated with some of my favourite deliciousness. Did this rush of plant based sugars provide the energy my body needed to optimize and shift into Bipolar wonderfulness?
And onto sound. I was listening to my favourite playlist of house dance music tracks. These are the songs that never get old to my ears. The song playing was by Madcon – Don’t worry (feat. Ray Dalton). Interesting that this song is by “Mad”con. This song has what I can manic lyrics. I just watched the video for the first time and it’s pretty manic.
I’ve been on a ton of vitamins lately with the help of Dr. Peter Smith of balancingbrainchemistry.co.uk and something changed with my supplement routine this morning. I ran out of Magnesium Citrate and so I switch to using a Cal-Mag supplement I had laying around from previous explorations, just to use it up. The supplement has 1100mg of calcium in addition to 550mg of magnesium. Was it the calcium that pushed me over the euphoric threshold?
The other vitamin change is that last night I switched the brand of Lithium Orotate I’m using for Bipolar. I talked about switching to Lithium Orotate in a previous post. I have 3 different brands of Lithium Orotate stocked up from my pre-contemplation days of ditching Lithium Carbonate in favour of the apparently less toxic option. So, to use them up, I’m going to try them all. Last night was my first dose of Neurofuzion, a type of Lithium Orotate with a bunch of other herbal goodies in a proprietary blend. I hadn’t yet taken this Lithium Orotate today, yet the shift into euphoria still happened.
Another recent change to my vitamin regime is that I was taking WAY too much glycine powder because I assumed the little scoop I was using was 1 gram. Turns out it was 4ish grams so taking 6 scoops vs. 1 scoop is a big difference. I realized this a week ago. As glycine is on the sedating side of things, did this play a role in being able to switch into a higher hypomania?
For all the detail on the vitamin stuff, see Dr. Peter Smith’s website balancingbrainchemistry.co.uk
I’ve tried a ton of different things and now I’m utilizing his strategies. What gives me hope about his approach is that he has Bipolar Disorder himself and had struggled for many years which inspired his methods which he says keeps him stable and functional by adding a bit of this and subtracting a bit of that according to how he’s feeling.
On top of all of this, no one was around and I was getting only slightly dancy. This is a sign of being there, that other world, which occupies the same space and time, but is accessed or not accessed depending on how the brain is processing information.
So, does this optimal saturation of the senses give the Bipolar brain and being permission to abide in the time-space of effortless enjoyment, where nothing is excused from enjoyment, by excluding all unwanted data from the sensory apparatii and replacing it with the optimal? I’m not sure.
Am I starting to learn how to navigate and balance my brain chemistry?
Can I change what I’m passively absorbing and processing through my senses to change my state?
I really don’t know. Lately I feel that there is no rhyme or reason to any of it, no cause and effect. Perhaps considering the possible causes and effects gives me the delusion that I have some kind of free will in all of this. Maybe the idea of cause and effect itself is what creates the phenomenon of feeling as if there is free will.
So perhaps asking what caused this shift into a higher Bipolar state is the wrong question. Perhaps the question and the answer is – enjoy.
I will continue to devote some processing power to the necessary pre conditions that invite higher states. I just can’t help it.