Thoughts, Eureka, Meaning, Effortlessness, Purposelessness, Singing and Dancing
I’m always trying new ways and systems to attempt to keep my thoughts and my ideas organized. I just realized now how stupid an undertaking this has been. I’ve wasted 15 years of my life trying to collect, categorize, organize, and reorganize the stuff of these thoughts. Is the purpose of thoughts to collect them, prize them, nourish them and hoard them like trophies? Or maybe the purpose of thinking thoughts just for the fun of thinking?
Maybe they have no meaning at all. Thoughts come into this conscious awareness. I won’t go in to the fact that these thoughts are not my thoughts at all but just thoughts. I don’t own them and if I try they end up owning me. Wait a minute, that’s precisely what has happened. I try to own and collect these thoughts like they mean something. Maybe they do mean something, but can I use more of my own thoughts to think about the thoughts that were not my thoughts in the first place in hopes of finding the meaning in thought that has no meaning except for the enjoyment of thinking thoughts and playing with ones thoughts or the thoughts that arise in ones mind?
I just had a eureka moment in thinking about the word eureka. The word eureka brings to mind a mad scientist perhaps, having this great epiphany that changes his life forever and can possibly be used to some effect in the world at large. It comes out of nowhere. Can you feel how exciting this is for him? Are you jealous? Do you want that big insight too? The big moment? Well perhaps we can both have it.
After all, it’s not a limited resources. Just because Mr. Mad Scientist has a eureka moment doesn’t mean there is less of if for you and I. I don’t think we’ll see a news report in the near future about a eureka shortage. But there does seem to be a shortage. It’s not that there is a shortage of that energy that breeds inspiration, it’s just that we haven’t uncovered how to tap the energy.
Now, how are we in touch with energy in this reality? How are we tapped into the physical world. Through our bodies of course. We are actually plugged into the Earth. We are made of the stuff of Earth, though that’s now in debate. The energy of the world, through food and other sources flows through us and nourishes us. So now we’ve found out how we are tapped into the source. But how come we don’t have access to this inspiration? There has got to be something blocking that energy. And I don’t think it’s one thing. There are so many things that can be blocking the energy whether it be food, chemicals, toxic emotions, bad thoughts, clutter. I could make a list of 1000 things and make a song out of it like Julie Andrews did for the Sound of Music. Instead of singing about 1000 of my least favourite things that block my access to the energy of inspiration, I can take action in physical reality and act out the patterns that can remove the blocks to inspiration.
This resonates with me lately on several levels. First, by acting out the patterns, I’m acting in the state of the end I want. The usual route might be to replace toxic emotions with good emotions by replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts. To me this just sounds exhausting. I don’t want to try to think good thoughts all day long. If I think a bad thought, I will be mad at myself, and that will lead to more bad thoughts. This sounds like a ridiculously unreal game of brain cell tug of war. Who will win in the battle of a billion axons v.s a billion dendrites. If you imagine the game on this level, it seems even more utterly absurd.
Maybe my job is just to get up and dance? Instead of worrying about the thought rodeo that’s going on in my head, maybe it’s enough to just dance it out. This may be exhausting. The benefit is it’s not a battle, it’s not a war, it’s the opposite. Turn on a song and sing and dance. Lately when I drive I turn on the tunes and just sing as loud and as bad as I can. Oddly enough, it seems I’ve improved. My lungs feels stronger. It creates joy emotions in me without having to think about it. The benefits of singing are beyond the act of singing itself. I’m not singing for any reason just to sing. Singing is a way to play this musical instrument that is me.
Maybe by singing for no reason, I will be brought into closer alignment with my own frequency, my own real self. I’ve been looking for myself in books and words. But I am not words. Perhaps, through the trick of the mind, in believing for so long that I was not separate from the circular monologues and dialogues in my head, in believing that I was the words and thoughts, that the thoughts and words contained the truth about me, in that, I look for myself in words and books. I see myself there. I see this one sentence is true about me and so is this next sentence. But not one of these sentences contains the whole of me.
The sentences are pointer, descriptions. They are not all of me. What is all of me? What is the whole of me? Who am I in wholeness, acting in wholeness? Am I whole when I am present? Am I present when I am singing just for singings sake? Come to think of it, it’s pretty hard to plan dinner and belt out “To Sir with Love” by Lulu or “I Have a Dream” by ABBA. I’m not just listening to the songs because they tickle my eardrums. I’m listening to play my instrument. I am listening to enjoy playing my instrument. The song is an excuse to exercise playing my instrument.
So often I can revert back to passively reading, to taking in. Singing is an act of creating vibration. It is movement. It is movement that moves me for no other reason than to be moved and to move. It’s circular and it has no point to it, it’s just play. So by playing my instrument, it is an act of moving energy through me for the sake of moving energy through me. Maybe in doing as such, some of the blocks to the flow of energy of inspiration are removed, nearly effortlessly. Maybe toxins, unhealthy food and such accumulates more in a body that is not in tune with itself, it’s own energy field.
Everything is vibration. Maybe the vibrations of joyous, purposeless singing can loosen some of that stagnant energy in other forms. We are used to thinking of things in one to one relationships. Things accumulate in a linear nature. But most of what holds meaning for us in our lives, what we make into meaning, are from the beyond of physical reality. We live for that meaning. We live to make meaning out of our lives. Do we have to wait to make meaning? Do I have to do this or be that before I can experience something meaningful in this life? It seems to me I could make meaning this instant if I chose to. I could make meaning out of nothing. I don’t need a think to make meaning. All I need is to be in touch with myself and look around. I can get up and dance. The funny thing is that it’s what’s most purposeless that has the most meaning. Staring into a lovers eyes, playing with a baby, listening to the waves at the beach. There is nothing utilitarian about that. There is nothing productive. Yet most of the minds energy is devoted to this idea of being productive.
We are trying to be productive to have time to find meaning. When isn’t the meaning right here and now. If you were playing with a baby right here and now, wouldn’t that be where the meaning is at, in the direct interaction with the baby in the present moment? Watching the babies every move and reaction, and this feeds you and gives you energy to then play back at the baby. You don’t watch the baby to criticize it and tell it what to do better, it’s just a baby being a baby, playing, reacting. Can you watch yourself in the same way? Can you watch yourself and see what you respond to? If you did something you could tell the baby didn’t like, you would do something different next time wouldn’t you? Maybe that’s what is meant by the inner child.
What I’ve been experimenting with myself is just getting up and creating that feeling of the beyond of me, of what’s beyond words, by doing something like singing or dancing. I can experience that feeling as the more of me, of what I want to feel more in my experience. Until one day, I merge with that feeling as experiencing moment to moment no matter what I’m doing. There can be that ecstasy always, if I am tapped in and unblocked. I just they are ways of unblocking myself. I can unblock myself on a chemical level by changing my diet and detoxifying by body, and I can also unblock myself by getting lost in the moment, and no longer acting out a progressive series of tensions related to moment to moment adaptation to the demand of society. Maybe society just needs more dancing. The song “Are We Humans, Or Are We Dancers” comes to mind.
Maybe my taking to dancing is nothing but the assertion that I am moving towards a life where I dance my dance in all situations. A dance is flowing to music. Dancing to my own music, there is no sense of right or wrong, for it is my own song and my own dance, and I am dancing just enjoying dancing. In that, there is all the meaning in the world, my world, moment to moment. Right now we all try to dance to the tune of the collective society. No wonder it’s such a mishmash of discordant donkeys. No wonder we all look contorted trying to be someone else. Is all the meaning in dancing ones own dance to ones own song. Is the meaning for everyone to dance their own dance? How can we bring out each others dance as opposed to inflicting the dance that we call society on each other? No one like that dance anymore anyways. I guess the only way is to keep dancing my dance in hope that others will join in.